9/15/08

These Highs and Lows

Highs:

*My parents blew in from RI last night with Ike. Delighted to have them!

*Paul and I had a sweet date tonight - Capellini Pomodoro, Barnes & Noble, and us:)

*Princess party planning, much adored by me. (Elementary teacher in me I suppose?)

*Adden's mischievous laugh and subsequent mad dashing around.

*Celebrating Selah yesterday with family and good friends.

*A Dr. reiterating today, "You know, you're lucky to be alive, young lady. I've heard about you."

*Hardly any pain anymore. Neither am I hobbling around. Returning to normalcy.

*Spending time at youth group again. I love our students. Love, love, love.

Lows:

*Fatigue. Still can't sleep at night. So frustrating cause I'm wiped out. And the circles under my eyes just can't be concealed with trickery.

*Random crying moment today. Thought I was done grieving till my Dr's appointment...

In the waiting room, I flipped a magazine to a photo of a 6 week old baby - with beautiful form and kidneys. Kidneys at 6 weeks. I didn't know...

As I was leaving, I asked if I had to pay for the visit. The receptionist said, "No. It's included in your insurance. This is a Postpartum appointment."

Postpartum? No, I thought. No.... It's not. I wanted to argue. A postpartum appt is 6 weeks after a baby is born. There is no baby... It didn't make it.

Me and myself didn't make it to the elevator without crying. I was so not prepared for me to still have issues with this. It can't even be blamed on percucet anymore.

Maybe grief comes and goes, much like the seasons. Right now, I'm wanting it to go far away. Tears are a tough, tough comfort.

5 comments:

Abby said...

I love you. {hug}

Orrange said...

yes, you're right. grief comes in waves and in seasons. Unfortunately some of that will likely always stay with you don't you think? I'm sorry that the dr's appointment was hard. I do agree with the doctor and am glad you're alive. So glad for that.

Anonymous said...

You never know when those moments will sneak up on you, but God will hold you and your friends will lift you up.
Michele

EEEEMommy said...

(((Violet)))
Give yourself grace to grieve; it's another opportunity for His grace to comfort you.

I'm praying for you now at 2:04am that you are sleeping soundly. May He strengthen you and uphold you with His righteous right hand.

Grace and Peace,
Angel

angie said...

i love you.

and by the by... i'm so pumped for this fabulous princess party you're planning. :-)

 

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