These Fine Lines

The me I see in the mirror looks different these days.

The fine lines crease around my eyes. My pale skin begs for a good helping of spinach, as my mom used to say. And there are jowls taking up residence on my hips.

But I've always looked this way. There are no changes here.
The change is my perception of God and His conception of me.

In October, I weighed in at a post-op appointment. The needle on the scale rested on 107. The number floored me so much that I nearly contested the weight. Had I guessed, I would've said 130, maybe 135. I remember sitting on the white paper they use to line those examination tables, waiting for my surgeon to come in. I wondered how someone who only weighed 107 could still think she looked overweight. Could still despise the sight of her own self...

I came home that day and cried. Cried cause of the loss of a baby, cried cause of a twisted self-image, cried cause I didn't want to propagate this hate anymore. How would my daughter ever know her own beauty, the signature of her Maker, if her mom could not accept it? If her mom railed against it every time she stared back at herself...

It was this day, this moment, that birthed healing for me. And I will continue to grow towards wholeness for the sake of my daughter. She wants to be just like me, she wants to be just like me. I can choose to perpetuate the self-hatred or I can choose to give her the gift of beauty. Beauty that dances outside of the realms of this culture's gross obsession. Beauty that recognizes her Maker's design and identifies it as good, very good.

These days the fine lines crease around my eyes. And they laugh with delight and joy. I have smiled and I have smiled and I have smiled some more.

My pale skin begs for a good helping of spinach, as my mom used to say. And that shouts of health. I no longer need toxic doses of the sun or the occasional tanning bed to make me feel good about myself. I love the color of the skin I'm in, finally.

And then there are the jowls, jowls I now treasure. They speak of carrying two lives into the world. Two amazing and healthy and intricately designed lives, made beautiful by the fingerprints of their Creator.

My Creator, who has written redemption all over the place.

All over me, even in these fine lines.

A Healthier Home

Last night I worked a Gymboree seminar, sponsored by Healthy Child, Healthy World. I wanted to be there anyway, so it was pretty sweet that I got paid for it. I kind of consider myself to be well informed about creating a healthy environment for our little tykes. I was wrong.

Studies show that more than 125 million Americans, especially children, now face an historically unprecedented rise in chronic disease and illness such as cancer, autism, asthma, birth defects, ADD / ADHD, and learning and developmental disabilities. Credible scientific evidence increasingly points to environmental hazards and household chemicals as causing and contributing to many of these diseases.

Now I'm not going to go crazy kung fu paranoid on our family, to Paul's relief. At my very core, I trust in the purposes of God and in His inherent goodness to allow whatever He sees fit in our lives. But He also asks us to take care of ourselves - body, mind, and soul - so we can fully and completely honor Him. Therefore, I will be making some changes little by little to reduce our exposure to chemicals and toxins that are taking up residence in our home and in our bodies.

Here are 5 ways to get started, as suggested by http://www.healthychild.org/.

1. Manage pests safely
2. Use non-toxic cleaning products (cleaners, personal hygiene products, home furnishings)
3. Clean up indoor air (often the air in our homes is more toxic than city pollution)
4. Shop smart (eat organic and healthy foods)
5. Be wise with plastics