Black Tongue

So I’m medicating my mouth at work when I notice that my tongue is black. Like really all black.

And I freak.

Is it going to make it? Is it going to fall out?

I sprint to the office and google black tongue. Second result: “black hairy tongue.”

No. Black is bad. Hairy is unmentionable. You have got to be kidding me.
My tongue is going to sprout hair?

I eat like a rabbit. I actually floss. I try to work out. I am weird about germs. How does such an individual grow a hairy black tongue?

So I read lots of unreliable sources.
And I determine that my tongue will pull through this time.

My homemade remedy for the ulcers (as advised by the Doc) is the culprit.
Maalox + Children’s Benadryl = Black tongue (It's the anti-acid's fault.)

I even did a scientific test. No remedy, cute rosy tongue color. A day of remedy, black tongue. By the way, there was no actual hair sproutage - just an appearance as such. I know - it's unmentionably repulsive, but I can't stop laughing about it. It cracks me up.

So there you have it. Now you'll know.

Do freakish things happen to anyone else? Please tell me they do.

Lookin Good

Me: Adden, how old is Daddy?
Adden: One?
Me: No. Try again.
Adden: Two?
Me: No. Try again.

Selah: Adden, say ninety. He's ninety.

Somewhat Wordless Wednesday

"I just can't wait to see Uncle Danny graduate in the pool."

- Selah

Me neither. Here we come!

Talks in their Towels

This was the exchange of words we had tonight following bathtime:

Me: Guys, guess who's going to be at church tomorrow?
Adden: Jesus.
Me: Wow, Adden. Yeah, Jesus better be there, you're right.
Selah: Why?
Me: Cause it wouldn't be church without Jesus.

Me: So who else will be at church?
Adden: G'and pap.
Me: Yep, Grandpap will be there.
Selah: So Jesus will be at church? Will I see His face?
Adden (head bowed suddenly, hands folded): Thank you Jesus. In Jesus' name, Amen.

Me: Wow, Adden did you just pray randomly?
Adden: Yesh.
Selah: So are we going to see Jesus' face or not?
Me: Sort of yes, sort of no. (Long strange explanation ensues as both kids lose interest.)

Me: So who we should see at church tomorrow is Miss Laura and Cousin Brian.
Selah: Ooooh oooh oooh! I love Miss Laura. I'm going to give her the biggest hug ever.
Adden: Boppie? BOPPIE! Yesh! (As he makes frantic attempts to jump off the ground.)

So Brian and Laura, moral is:

Jesus should be at church tomorrow.
As should two huge fans of yours.

One Hot Mama

Selah: Mommy, are you almost 65 yet?

Me: What? Almost, I guess. But Selah, Mommy is stunning for
almost 65.

Crazy Weird Timing

I've been trudging out to the mailbox for 5 months now. Every day, with kids in tow, in calf-deep snow and in freezing rain.

Normally I never check the mail. Neither does Paul for that matter. And the mail carrier, I'm pretty sure, totally hates us. Cause she stuffs and crams and rearranges and stuffs some more till she gets every last phone bill and pizza coupon to fit. She really is the woman. And we're mail checking delinquents. But anyway, back to why I've been checking religiously.

On September 11th, we received a heart breaker from one of our youth group's sponsor children, Ruth, informing us that her mom had passed away. Within 10 days, our jammin' incredible students pooled together 300 dollars, which is the maximum gift we could give Ruth's family. Ever since then, I've been waiting for a letter.

And we've had letters. Lots of letters from Ruth, in fact. But not that letter. Not that one. Till yesterday.

The kicker? Yesterday was my birthday. I've been waiting 5 months for one letter and I got it on my birthday. Of all days, my birthday. Though I'm not huge on birthdays, there isn't anything I've wanted more than this letter. And I got a picture to boot.

Ruth's family was able to take a special shopping trip to Alto City with the donated money. They bought food and furniture - a bookcase, pots, a kettle, pans, spoons, knives, forks, cups, blankets, a bed-cover, rice, sugar, potatoes, flour, more sugar (I take it she likes sugar - that's our girl), oil, and sneakers for all her siblings.

"When I got your gift, all I could do was cry." Ruth thanks us all over and over and asks God to bless us again and again. It confounds me that she asks God to bless us more when we've already been given riches. Even more amazing is that this girl who has almost nothing has given us so much in her life, her letters, her love for Jesus.

You can't tell me that this was an accident, perchance, crazy luck - that we would receive her letter yesterday. Cause I would say this is the work of a God who takes great delight in His children. A God who quiets with His love. A God who rejoices over us with singing.

By means of a letter from a child in Bolivia.

The Perfect Guy

One of our small groups recently compiled this list of traits. It cracked me up so much I had to post it:).

Must
1. True Christian
2. Not a jerk face
3. Good with kids
4. Good sense of humor
5. Good morals
6. Mature
7. Treats family well
8. Treats friends well
9. Good work ethic

Maybe
1. Hot
2. Confident but not conceited
3. Basketball player
4. Likes Mexican people
5. Drummer or guitarist
6. Loves animals

Extras
1. Writer
2. Surfer
3. Six pack
4. Taller then you

Funny thing is, Paul meets 99% of the requirements, though I have yet to see him on a surfboard. Love you, hon:)

Magic Sticker

Selah's most recent stickers (plural) were packaged with the following claims...

Miraculous decals
An environmental protection
Watertightness
Defend the heat
Re-usable

Now those are some stickers.

Cat Lovers Sit Down...

So last night instead of getting any work done or wrapping Christmas presents , Paul and I opted to:

1. Watch an episode of Lost.
2. Laugh at ridiculous gift options.
3. Race each other on this highly competitive typing game.

It was a highly productive evening.

Anything you like to do when you just don't feel like doing anything?

Canka Sores and Locked Doors

Anyone ever had a canker sore crater on their tongue?

Gosh, they're miserable. Apparently, God would prefer me to be silent since I am plagued with these enormous potent suckers constantly. There's probably something to be said for that.

Anyway, my story isn't about cankers. It's actually about our trip to CVS.

The other morning, I throw the kids in the car and mad dash right up the road to find some relief for the current few cankas (as we like to call them in New England.)

I throw 20 dollars in my pocket, leave my purse in the front seat, hitch Adden onto my hip, and hold Selah's hand as she jumps out of the van-like car we own. Oh yeah, and I locked it. Made sure to lock it.

I walk in, consult the pharmacists, grab some Maalox and Benadryl to concoct some sort of sweet numbing agent, meander down the aisles looking for 75% off candy for my sweetheart, hoist the kids up for drinks from the bubbla, and eventually make it to the counter to pay for my goods. We speak to the people in line, make small talk with the clerk, and head out the door about a half hour later.

To my utter horror, I walk out to see my van-like car door wide open. Oh yeah, wide open, for a half hour. My purse is still hanging out in the front seat, by some act of God. Maybe it's still there cause I made sure to lock the car? I never forget to lock the car, though occasionally I forget to close the door.

Gosh, does anyone else do these kinds of things?

Just about the only thing that consoles me is that I remembered the children. Yay for that.

I repeat, does anyone else do these kinds of things? Please tell me I'm not the only one..

Ordinary Mayhem

We love our Adden.

Saran and Leaching

My organs are covered in Saran wrap, of sorts.

So says my surgeon. It helps prevent blood clots after major surgeries.

This new personal fact is rather amusing. And cool.

And disturbing.

I've been raging my own private war against plastics. (Avoid #3, #6, and #7)

I tossed away sippies, bottles, plates, and everything else that was "leaching" out BPA.

So they're not in my cupboards, but they're coating my organs.

Maybe the plastics have leached out at me?

Spaghetti Cat

Pink Complex

Selah: Me want that thing on me. On me arm.
Mimi: The caterpillar? Really? It might feel strange and tickle you.

Mimi places the caterpillar on Selah's arm.

Selah (in a frantic voice): Take it off Mimi! Me no like it anymore!
Mimi: Ok, you don't like the way it feels on your arm?

Selah: No, me no like it cause it not pink. Caterpillar not pink, Mimi.

If I Stink, Here's Why...

In an effort to be more aware of the chemicals I am subjecting myself to, I am making switches to all natural stuff. Last week, I ran out of deodorant and saw that Tom's All Natural stuff was on sale (if you call $4 change a sale.) So I bought it in an effort to extend my life 10 years with mere deodorant.

Well, here's the deal. It is so not working! I'm not certain if I'm just more pungent than your average individual or what. I smell like peaches a minute after application and it lasts for an hour or two. I'm kind of wondering if all natural just means that it is, in fact, only a peach marketed as deodorant. Cause that would make sense as to why the fragrance only lasts so long.

Anyway, poor Paul is advocating for a switch back to the unhealthy deodorant. As I apply over and over again through the day, I keep assuring him it will get better. Not like he's complained or anything - I think my own complaints are freaking him out - so he's fearfully keeping his distance.

At least for the time being, I am staunchly sticking with Tom's. Because I am stubborn and I think it will eventually jive with my chemistry and actually work. And because I spent $4 on stinkin deodorant. What was I thinking?

My apologies to anyone reading this... for odiferous me and for this post:)

Two Quotes

One for pondering...

"Our lives are experienced as meaningful to the extent that they are undergirded by a narrative worthy of our dreams."

-Wendy Wright

One for laughing..

"Mommy, your belly big when you have gerbils in it?"

-Selah

Wow. Who knew?

Is It Any Wonder?

Our conversation at the pet store today

"Selah, someday do you want a pet of your own to take care of?"
"Yes, Mommy."
"Well, someday very far away maybe we can have one."
"Mommy, me want kitty. A pink kitty."

For the Love of Coons....

This story made me cry, I laughed so hard. I have reread the thing more times than I would care to admit. I am posting it here for my own posterity. Please forgive the location of the humor. You'll see when you get there. I am not one for this sort of thing, but this story clearly stands as a formidable exception. I am still laughing.

Singing Felines

Click here to hear a song about your name. Enjoy the whistler prone to distraction on the right.

Dan - this one's for you. JP Morgan was a special cat indeed.

Spontaneous Conversations

My mom makes me laugh. Though she would never admit it, she has the worst ADD. Our conversations are rapidfire stories and questions interspersed with her driving while she's on the phone, taking her contacts out, changing a cd, and fixing her heel. Today, she threw out a gem of a backhanded compliment in the midst of how to cook pork tenderloin so that it's melt in your mouth, raves of the new Iway bridge, my brother's incredible sense of humor, and Selah's cognitive developmental milestones. Please enjoy.

"Kristin, have you been doing anything different to your face?"

"No, mom. Why do you say that?"

"Well, I mean, did you have anything different done to your face?"

"Mom, I'm not sure what you mean exactly. How much can you do or have done to your face without like some sort of weird injections or something? My face is the same."

"So, you didn't have anything pulled, burned, or waxed off your cheeks or anything?"

"Gosh, mom. No. Maybe my upper lip and my eyebrows but not my cheeks. Why is that?"

"Well, let me just say that your cheeks look great honey. The best I've ever seen them. They are far less hairy than they used to be."